Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
