IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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