whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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