I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
