I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
