i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
