i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
