She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
