so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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