apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
