So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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