I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
