There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
