I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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