im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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