Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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