Is it because I queefed?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
