Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize