Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
