I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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