He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
