It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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