Define "chronic" masturbator.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
