after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
