I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
