Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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