Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
