Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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