i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
