Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
