I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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