You just made me feel so damn special
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
