Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
