marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
