Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
