you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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