I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
