My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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