How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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