I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
