oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
