put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
