I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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