just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
