Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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