the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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