theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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