His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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