I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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