you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
