watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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