You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
