I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
