Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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