wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize