my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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