We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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