when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
