how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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