i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I will pee on everything he values.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
