But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
