Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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