i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
