I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
