Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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