He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
