I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
