She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
