mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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