I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
