M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
