i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
