Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
