At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
