So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
