hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
