Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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