I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
