I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
